![]() Mairsil, the Pretender is proof that my faith in the Hippopotamus Oath wasn't misplaced, for I have rebuilt all eleven individuals into one super-individual. It's a tragedy that their lives will be cut short - or that's what I would say, if I hadn't invented science. Yes, there are eleven survivors, or 0.45 per boat, but unfortunately, as individuals, they will be too weak to live more than a couple decades after the accident. The tolls were staggering: Reagan Memorial Highway was $1.80, Route 30 cost $2.80, and Veterans Memorial Tollway drained a full $3.90, and that was just for the Chicago leg of the journey to the emergency room. Approximately, two hours ago, a seventeen-boat-pileup occurred in the Atlantic, causing a disaster of Titanic proportions. Doctor Michael Celani, Ph.D, licensed doctologist, and there's been a situation. We don't even care if you're insured, because we'll just collect one of your kidneys instead! Dial 912 today and come on in! Mairsil, the Pretender | Illustrated by Izzyīad stomachache, grievous injury, or unplanned heart attack ruining your day? Feel like you're about to throw up out your ears? Got some pesky agammaglobulinemia that just won't go away? Then you need to call us, the miracle-makers themselves, the Medicynicals! We have a cure for anything that ails you - headaches, stuffy noses, acute cases of consistently opening articles with some sort of advertisement for shady organizations that don't exist, and that's it, that's all three medical issues. ![]()
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